So after 15 almost 16 years of marriage Jason and I knew that we needed a change.  We had been through so much in our lives and that there was so much baggage that we had going on and hurt we knew at this point we needed some change.  The Christmas of 2009 we left our church were planted.  I was the nursery coordinator and my husband was involved in the ministry as well.  We just one Sunday were so hurt bad enough finally that we just said we were not going back.

We didn’t know what our next steps were going to be and for a few months we didn’t do anything.  Until one Sunday our kids started asking if we were going to go to church.  We started to think well this isn’t just about us we have our kids that also have a need for God as well.  So we wanted to start over.  We started our search for our new “home”.  We would try out a church for a couple weeks to see if our family liked it or not.  It was really hard for our little one because she really didn’t like many places.  She would cry and not want to let us go.  So usually one of us would have to be with her and then trade off the next week.

Then finally when we were ready to give up hope we decided to give it one last chance.  We looked up on the internet one last time and we found one more.  We thought we had heard of this place before and we found out that one of my husband’s uncles attended the church.  So we got ready and went to check it out.  Our kids loved it.  We didn’t have to stay with our daughter, we didn’t get a call to get her, we both sat and listened to a message for the first time together in years.  It was amazing.  And the topic we heard that day made us both cry.  We knew this was our new home.  We knew we were broken and this was the place where God brought us that day when we were ready to give up hope.

Ever since we walked through the doors we have started to have healing in our hearts.  We have started to get involved in serving, helping others, just doing whatever is needed.  We have started some special projects and we have just loved every minute of it.  We have been apart of and started many small groups.  We have just loved meeting others and connecting.  It has been so great to grow and share with others.

Along this journey I have still felt like there is a part of me (us) that just still was not healed.  A part that was still broken.  No matter how much we got involved it didn’t solve what was originally broken.  So one day I came out of the service during the songs crying.  Later as we were wrapping up to go home I saw my pastor’s wife and just asked her to pray for me.  She did right there.  She didn’t know what was happening in my life but she gave me 2 resources.  Before I could even write them down I had forgot them.  I got home and got in contact with her and she gave them to me again.  1 was a book to read and another was a website to a marriage ministry.  The RefineUS.org ministry.  What I didn’t know then was that this ministry and their resources and book would be the underlying part in our dialogue in our marriage.

Late one night after putting the kids down we first started a year ago to read the 8 Things That Destroyed Our Marriage.  As we read it we just saw our marriage layed out right in front of us.  We saw some of our biggest problems, fights, and things we didn’t know how to handle right there layed out for us and someone else was talking about it too and going through it too.

We first started our discovery about prayer.  Praying together and being selfish.  How do 2 amazing people with 2 amazing kids raised in the church and growing in leadership roles in the church have a family with all these issues?  How do we talk about them to each other?  How do we bring up all the baggage and not want to just end it all?  How do you get there?  What are some of the thing in a marriage that make it just hit rock bottom like that?  Prayer is one of the most talked about things but it is also one of the most over looked things.

We started to realize that we are trying to lead a good family founded on God.  We were always involved in the church and helping people find their way back to God, praying for people, praying for people in our small group, praying for our friends in hard times, over their marriages…yet there was a barrier in our marriage when it came to praying for each other.  It is totally embarrassing.  When I did pray for Jason I would pray in a selfish way that God would change him open his eyes because he didn’t see his way or that he was doing something wrong and I didn’t like it.

When things started to change and go for the worse in our marriage I realized that I was the one that needed to change…even if Jason never changed.  I was in desperate need for something drastic to happen and I needed God to change my life and change me.  Marriage is emotional and yes it is physical but more than anything it should also be spiritual and if we don’t make that important in our lives and marriage our foundation for an amazing relationship will be broken.  It will begin to eroded away.