Sometimes I haven’t known how to know how I feel about things in life.  But I have found that a word broken is a good way to sometimes describe how I feel.  There are events in my life in my past and in my present that have made me feel this way.  It is a hard feeling to have and ways very heavy somedays. 

I have thought that having a family stand by me.  Having a strong family full of traditions is what I have needed to make this feeling better.  I have thought at times that trying hard to make people happy and comfortable is what I need to do.  Among many other things I am but well none of these things are what makes a person happy or un-broken. 

The only think I know that these days that has been making me confortable is the comfort in serving and ministry.  I love going to church.  But sometimes finding the right one that fits is hard.  I have attened a church for most of my life with my family.  There were only a couple of times that I didn’t.  One was when my parents left with some other families to start a church plant.  And another time was when I was in high school and I attended another church that I liked.  Well since then I stayed and did for my family.  After my dad died I really dove into children’s ministry and well that is what I loved. 

Well after having my own kids and deciding that the drive and needing to find something a little closer so that they could be in programs and that I could be involved with other women I decided to tell my mom I wanted to look for other churches.  Plus my daughter didn’t like going to her class alone and wanted me to stay with her every week.  I hadn’t been to a service in 8-9 years.  So well I needed something in my life.  So we started looking.  We started trying out a few churches. 

Well we thought we started to find one but after finding out more about the church we found that they didn’t believe quite what we did and were looking for.  So we kept looking…until one day we found a church.  It was different and challenged everything normal.  But we fell in love.  And so did our kids.  Of course I love and miss the little ones so I signed up and serve with the little ones every other week and love it.  But some times I wonder what more I could do.

Well now our church is starting 4 new campus sites this fall.  At first I wasn’t so excited and well the only reason why and I hope that my pastors will get me sometime.  I am not the norm on this.  But I just really like the relationship a pastor has with his church, the ones that attend, the ones that serve, I like to see them and to know them.  I know that churches can be big and small.  But so can all things in the world.  I just want to be given the chance to get to know them more because I think so far from the short time of attending and serving that they are great and wonderful guys.  Ones that maybe our family would like to know more.  That is all.  God never set limits on his friends and I don’t either and hope they don’t either.  I just want to be given a chance. 

I need to have guidence and to know that I have a safe place with good people who will honestly love and care for someone that is scared and broken.

This morning I started my day and checked in on FaceBook.  Well I happened to run into one of the first Skateboarding events of the season.  I was excited to see one and I just had to sign my son up.  When he got home from school I surprised him by telling him what I found and what I have done.  He was surprised.  He told me he wasn’t ready and needed to practice.  I told him it was a good thing he had 2 weeks before the event and that finally the weather is starting to look better in Washington these days. 

So we will see now how many days and how much time I spend at skate parks to help him get ready for this event but he will do good.  And well if not it is the first event of the season and he will have fun.  I am excited.  I love doing fun things like this.

It is really fun to watch your little one interact with other kids.  But when they find ones they really like it makes life really interesting.  My little princess has a couple really close friends.  One is a little girl that we call them both oil and water.  They both get so excited to see each other and miss each other when they are apart.  But they just fight like cats & dogs when they are together.  You would think they hate each other at times because they hit and sit one one another but they get mad when you don’t allow them to play.  It is crazy.  Now of course not all days are bad.  Somedays they actually will get along.  Those days we treasure.

Princess has another friend who is a little boy.  He is so cute.  He loves to play with her Barbie’s.  I love that he will let me put him in dress-up clothes.  He told his mom that he likes my daughter best with her hair down and not in pony tails.  They usually play so well together it is so cute. Princess likes to hold his hand and lead him around and take care of him.  She love to feed him too. 

I just think that little ones are so cute to watch and to see how the care for one another and to get along. 

Don’t feel bad at all. Yes as you know it is easy to spot childern that are from different countries that have been adopted. But there are many kids that are adoped because of divorce and other situations too.  And well your situation is beautiful. 

I personally am a child of a adoption as a little one.  My mom lost a child at birth and then adoped me when I was 5 days old.  15 months later she had my sister.  Then 10 & 13 years later adopted my 2 brothers.  I am not ashamed to be adopted or anything.  I know I have loving parents and am in an amzing family.  You shouldn’t be afraid to talk to your kids about being adopted.  I found out from my mom that I was when kids at school said I wasn’t really sisters with my sister because we looked different.  I went home crying because well of course she was.  And my mom sat me down and talked to me. 

Sometimes people and kids just don’t know what to say.  It is just sometimes when people ask a mom just after having a baby and they still have baby fat when they are expecting.  They don’t know they are sending that person home crying and feeling bad.  If a person asks why about the color of your kids eyes…all this person did was notice your little one has beautiful eyes and was just maybe trying to find a way to let you know how beautiful they are.  Or maybe they are trying to find a way to come over and talk to you.  Don’t feel so bad. 

You don’t have to feel like you are constantly labeling them.  Just acknowledge that they are adopted.  And accept that they are different and have special emotional needs. 

I know familes with natural kids and one has black hair, one has brown hair, and one has blonde hair. You would think in some ways they are adopted but they aren’t.  Just know that you adopted your little one with all the love in the world and no matter what color eyes, hair or anything they are yours.  Don’t think so bad about things just take everyday as a blessing and love all your kids they are yours and you have been blessed to care for them and love them.  You will always be their mom.

This year we have tried Princess in her first dance class.  At first we tried a mom & tot dance class at a real dance studio.  But well that wasn’t working out so well.  She really loved it and wanted to dance but well she was the only kid showing up and well didn’t want to preform by herself.  And the instructor wouldn’t let her move up to a class with more kids in it and let her try it to see if she could actually follow along.  So we just moved along.
 
So we tried another smaller place and finally settled at Little Gym after a bit. And when we finally got there they were in the final months of prep for the recital stages.  So they were cracking the whip on the kids focusing.  But since our daughter really wants to dance she is the only one that will actually follow along and do the things.  Sometimes she stands up with the instructor to do them with her.  While the other kids are crying, rolling around on the floor and leaving the classroom.  It is quite funny some days to watch the class. 

  I was hoping to expose her to the arts, develop her sense of rhythm and movement, and entertain her for an hour a week.  But well this hasn’t quite gone as planned this year.  She loves to dance and I know will find something someday but well we just have to keep at it. 

But now we have the recital that we have been practicing for all Spring.  And yes it is conveniently  scheduled on Father’s Day weekend too.  At least it is on Saturday afternoon so that is OK. 

This has been a busy weekend.  I kidnapped a girlfriend and her son and we hung out this weekend.  It was so fun. We went shopping at toys’r’us for a 3 year old birthday gift.  Then we went to a skate park and park for the little kids.  Before heading to a birthday party.  Then after the party we headed into Seattle to find a cupcake place we saw on the Cooking Channel but it was closed.  So we took my friend and her son to the top of the Space Needle.  She had not been up there since they moved up to Seattle like 4 years ago.  She said she is not so good with hights but she had a good time.  It was so fun to see them having a good time and to be enjoying the views.  Then we went down and took them to Dick’s Drive-in in Capitol Hill.  By this time it was late so we had to abandon the last idea to go try out one more place.  But that was OK.  We had a blast.  On our way home we just blew by the exit to take her home so we had to turn around.  We finally dropped her and her son home at about 11pm. 

The next day we got up after just a few hours of sleep and went to church.  We ran into a old friend and that was cool.  After church 3 families we all went out to lunch at Denny’s and got some lunch.  After lunch we packed my friend and her son from yesterday back into our car and headed off to a soccer game.  After the soccer game we took the kids to SkateBarn to go skateboarding.  The tiny ones fell asleep on the way down for a much needed nap.  While we were waiting my friend and I tried out this cool application on the Ipad for taking pictures.  Some of the pics we took almost made her pee her pants they were so funny.  After, we went to grab the kids some dinner and we went to a place that had really good rolls and Coke.  I don’t know why but that is what we felt like for dinner.  It was another amazing day of fun.

Now today we are celebrating Memorial Day and heading off to a Baseball Game.  I am starting to feel like I want a relaxing vacation but well the kids are having a blast and so oh well here goes another day!!!