Category Archives: Family

Middle Ground

20 Friday Jan 2012

Posted by in Family, Kids, My Story, Parenthood, Thoughts

≈ Leave a comment


These days I have been working hard to try and find some middle ground.  For years even before we had kids I tried to talk and come up with a plan to have a middle ground for raising our kids.  And for years I have tried to work hard to be better with my temper and things and to be more calm about things so that we have a better middle ground. 

Well with all of this work, years, and things tried and gone by failed I just don’t know what to do.  Things for years I have been able to keep to myself and deal with but these days with having kids and a family it is harder to hide things.  It isn’t that I am not trying to keep it to myself but well people feel it, know, and can tell that something is up.

It hurts when your mom starts to notice and worry about you and hopes that things will be OK.. She knows I am strong and will fight and take care of things but she wants to let me know she is there for me.  It is one of the first times in my life that I have felt good about my mom being there for me and supporting me.

I want to raise my kids like my dad raised me with love but with strenght and discipline.  He was a great dad and guy.  He was a great example and I want to be an example like that to my kids.  I want to be strong and to be there for them and to love them always.  He was like a big teddy bear but you respected him.  He was a high school teacher, football coach, and so much more.  Everyone loved him and remembers him.  And yes that is what I live up to and want to be like a loving, caring parent, but one that my kids know when they have done wrong.

But I worry because in our house it is divided and where I try to show my kids one way my husband is different.  And the kids know it and sometimes take advantage of that. It is really hard when my little one throws a fit in public or something to see how he handles it. The kids are one way for him, one way for me, but together it is a mess at times.  And sometimes when things get really bad and he is trying to deal with it but it isn’t going well he takes them to me and says now you have to tell your mom what you did.  And he turns it then to me to finish it and deal with it.  It is hard when this happens because then what is this telling the kids?  I get stressed, embarrased, want to cry, and so many feelings it is just hard to deal with.

I want a middle ground but I don’t know what to do to find one.  I know I am trying really hard to have great kids but I know this is just really hard.

Christmas vacation

17 Tuesday Jan 2012

Posted by in Family, My Story

≈ Leave a comment

Well I grew up as a kid going to our family cabin just after Christmas. We would ride on sleds, snow mobiles, x-country ski, you name we tried it. It was fun!

I grew up wanting to pass those memories down to my kids. And for a few years we got the chance to. But the past couple years and most of my daughters life I haven’t been able to do this for my family.
Well my in-laws haven’t been well. The past few years things have really been getting worse. It is hard because they are both so young but they both are medically not good. Last Christmas we had to put my mother-in-law in the hospital. That was really scarry for my kids.

This year we have delayed coming down for Thanksgiving because she had been in the hospital again. So we came down at Christmas instead. Things just aren’t so wonderful. It isn’t the Christmas I wanted for my family & my kids.

It’s hard when your son is telling you that he remembers things we use to do and asks why we don’t anymore. When he asks why his grandparents are sick. It makes me want to just cry. But i feel so much in the middle because I want to do these things with my family and give them great memories. But i want my husband to be with his parents too. Plus, I have such a big caring heart I just hate seeing them like this. I know they need it & enjoy seeing the kids. I just wish sometimes we didn’t have such a big honey-do list and a wish list that was so huge. But that is what we have to deal with & I hope someday our kids know why & the choices we have had to make are all for them & family.

Trying not to scream

22 Thursday Dec 2011

Posted by in Family, My Story

≈ Leave a comment

Today it is just another amazing day in my house.  My 3 year old wants the tv on but she won’t stay in the room to watch the movie or show that is on.  But the second you try and turn it she runs in the room and starts to throw and amazing 3 year old fit.  Oh yeah it is awesome. 

And then she has tried to love and squeeze the dog so much that he has tried to hide from her.  She at one point almost pushed him down the stairs trying to hug him as he was pusing away from her.  I had to pull the gate closed at the top of the stairs and look at the dog saying this is for your own safety.  Oh my it is just crazy the things you have to do to keep everyone safe.

Also, people in my family are asking what to bring for Christmas Eve dinner.  Well I have sent an email and also sent one on facebook.  It is the same list every year of what we eat and what to sign up for to bring.  It doesn’t change so I don’t know what the issue is.  But I guess I just wasn’t clear.  I guess I will have to find another way or do something different cause well this list of traditional food isn’t working I guess.

And for the family too that don’t tell you what they want for gifts or just ask for gift cards.  Well I am sorry I am not doing gift cards.  I a not going to wait til the last minute to get you what you finally think of.  Because running all over town or trying to get somthing shipped like over night well just isn’t going to happen.  I am not going to pay the same to ship it here as the gift I was going to get you just because you waited to tell me til the last minute.  I think that is just nuts.  You will just get the random thing that I got for you or the As Seen On TV item that I saw on late night tv or at the store and thought oh how amazing that looks & cool it will be.

I am trying to get the house prepaired, the menu planned, everything in order and ready for Christmas Eve & Christmas Day.  All in all while still trying to have fun and fit in some sort of tradition for my own family.  Yeah it is crazy and I think I found my first grey hair.

Bla Bla Bla

20 Tuesday Dec 2011

Posted by in Family, Kids, My Story

≈ Leave a comment


I confess: I don’t listen to every word my children say, and the reason is simple. They talk too much. And they talk about stuff I don’t care about.

For some kid-related topics, I can’t even muster up fake interest, like PC, Nintendo or PS3 games. When Evan plays some of his games and he’d say, “Guess what? I raced this guy and I was going so fast. . . ,” I’d stop her right there. With a shake of my head and the traffic-cop “STOP!” signal, I’d say, “Uh, sorry there darlin’! Don’t take this personally, but I hate your video games. I love you, of course, and am interested in anything you have to say about virtually anything other than your video games . . . school work, creative projects, philosophical musings, friend dilemmas—anything real.”

They’ve all heard variations on this speech many times. At this point, they police each other. Evan will say, “So in Tron. . .” and off he’ll go, but only for a minute or two, before Evan says, “Dude! Look who I’m talking to! Mom doesn’t care about Tron!”

And it’s true. I don’t. I care about their real lives . . . at least, theoretically, but I have to say that sometimes their real lives are boring too. There was a time last year when Evan talked endlessly about his friends. Evan would walk through the door after school, Aaliyah trailing behind him. Evan would say, “Oh my Gosh, she’s making me crazy!”

Overall though, I do care about their real lives . . . just not all the time. Sometimes they have exceptionally bad timing. Last night at 9:00, my neck was hurting and I am starting to get a cold and was trying to get everyone ready for bed, when Aaliyah said, “Hey! I like that story about princesses mom.” That is how she asks me to tell her a story.

I’m proud to say that I could respond honestly: “Yes, I remember!”But I told her that it was late and mommy hurt and it was time to go to bed.

Twenty minutes later, Aaliyah asked if she was a princess? I told her of course she was. And she then ten minutes later was finally asleep.

But you know what? They don’t always listen to me either. So there.

Ten Things I Really Want for Christmas

20 Tuesday Dec 2011

Posted by in Family, My Story

≈ Leave a comment


  1. I want to one-up the my-life-is-perfect Christmas card lady, the one who gets her cards out first, complete with staged photo of her hellion children and a one page, rhyming letter about how spectacular they all are.
  2. I want to make cookies with my kids.  They just want to make the things to put candies on or sprinkles on and make a mess and leave.  I am left to make all the traditional cookies alone for hours and days.
  3. I want to give my children the perfect gift so that they’ll be occupied for hours, all the while being educated.
  4. I want the toys I get to not require me to cut 50,000 wires and require a battery supply equivalent to a year’s college tuition.
  5. I want my tree to look fancy, like one from a magazine with bows and big lights instead of the tossed together tree I have now because we don’t have time and the kids want to decorate for 2 seconds.  I want a fully decorated tree that is put together with love as we all sit beside it decorating with music and having family time.
  6. I want to have the glory of saying, “I’m done with shopping” in early December.
  7. I want to rub the aforementioned into someone’s face, particularly someone like the person I morph into in mid-December, when the crunch is on and suddenly I’m buying As Seen On TV gifts for my in-laws at the drug store because in my holiday frazzled mind, it’s really a great product.
  8. I want to make seriously perfect holiday memories.  Perfect decoration, family gatherings, tradional foods, tradional activities like (cutting a tree, seeing santa, pictures, riding in the car to see lights), reading The Night Before Christmas by firelight, matching pajamas, the works.
  9. I want the world to travel to me (or not?) on Christmas day, so we don’t have to say to the kids, “Great!  New Toys!  Now put them away and go put on itchy clothes because we’re going to spend the rest of the day eating and riding in the car!  Yay!”
  10. I want to fall asleep in wrapping paper with perfectly frosted cookies smeared on my face and even a little bit on my matching pajamas.  And then I want to take a picture and put it on next year’s card.  That’s right.

Memories

10 Saturday Dec 2011

Posted by in Family

≈ Leave a comment

A memory I have growing up is of my dad always playing county music. Well I loved all music as a little kid. But as I got older (a teen) I wanted to find my own style. I had some cd’s he took away (probably because of language). But I always heard him playing it in his shop, truck, in his classroom at school.

And as I got older I found myself turning back on the country music.  But not 100% I had to be diverse.  So I would listen to whatever was striking my mood.  Later here in my life as now I have kids and my family is growing I am finding I am listening to country more and more.  It is just something that well is known, comfortable, and well it means something to me.  Plus I think I also understand what made my dad love it so much too.  It has true feeling, talks about life, and has no bad words in it.

Now I have had friends wonder why am I a down home country mom?  Well I have a life long answer for that but the best is that my dad and my parents gave me great opportunites and well it is part of my soul.  I love the country & I like the city.  It is yes a different mix but well I have learned to adapt.  I love my rodeo’s, PBR, going looking for deer, 4×4, and so much more.  Some of my friends have told me I am well rounded. 

But now that it is christmas time it is fun to be listening to the songs and singing along and hear my kids saying to me “mom how do you know all the words”?  I am so excited to see how they take the things I am showing them and what they do and what they say years later.  I hope that they will learn to enjoy the simple things, the meanings, to slow down, and to realize that they have been loved for many generations. 

Thanksgiving

24 Thursday Nov 2011

Posted by in Family

≈ Leave a comment


It is crazy but this year thanksgiving has changed for my family. We had an early thanksgiving with one side of the family the weekend before.
My mom & sister decided to go to the cabin and not have a bigger family dinner with ours this year. So for the first time our family is having a quiet time at home. 
Im going to cook a small turkey breast and call it good. We are going to start decorating for the holidays. But it will be nice to just be together.