Posted by michele343 | Filed under Blogging, Girls Corner, Marriage, My Story
Hardships
02 Tuesday Apr 2013
02 Tuesday Apr 2013
02 Tuesday Apr 2013
02 Tuesday Apr 2013
02 Tuesday Apr 2013
Posted Girls Corner, Marriage, My Story, newlyweds
in27 Wednesday Mar 2013
Posted influences, Marriage, My Story, newlyweds, stereotypes
inWhen Jason and I got married, it wasn’t so we would have someone to just be with for the rest of our lives. We got married because we were friends and liked spending time together. We couldn’t imagine not being together because we loved being together. We loved thinking about one another. We loved doing just about everything together. All of these things are still true for us today, and I am so thankful. What is interesting to me is to see others or watch other people talk about their marriage or complain like they had to get married or are stuck in it for the rest of their lives. How does that just happen to people? How can you just marry someone you don’t really even have a connection with?
I think back to when things all started for us. When we first met and it was at some friends going away to college party. Jason saw me and he said he knew right then he liked me and wanted to talk to me. He didn’t know how. He had just come from trying to play tennis and so he would bounce the tennis ball to me to have be get it for him (over and over). It was his way to have me maybe talk to him. For me I was just bothered that someone just kept doing it over and over and never said anything to me. I found out later that he asked about me. I didn’t pay to much attention because I didn’t even know or remember who he was or what he looked like. Well then a few weeks later we met again and this time he took me home and we sat in my front yard talking and talking for hours. This is when it all started. We connected and became friends and from then on we would continue to go out together.
After a year or so I was in college and he was working for a large technology company traveling a lot. Things were getting more serious. We would hang out together and with other friends that were dating and it just seemed and felt so natural for us to be together. As time went on I think Jason started to get scared a little. Not sure if this is what we are suppose to be doing at this point on one of his trips he started to talk to one of his older married friends about his feelings. He told him and confirmed for him that what he was feeling was natural and that it was a good thing. After some thinking and things he called me and asked me to marry him. This was shocking to me being so young but well I didn’t know what to do but I knew that well I loved him and he was my best friend and well I didn’t see my life without him so well I said “yes”.
Well after we got married it seemed the “honeymoon stage” didn’t last long. Our friends looked up to us to be an example to them and we were look at to show them how we were doing this and putting this all together. We went through some tough things together medically and with our families that well we kinda had to grow up fast. It was hard on us being so young and being put in this position to have it all together for everyone. To be put in the spot to be giving advice, going to things that well we thought we were just to young for but people expected us to, had couples over for dinner and were expected to have a “Martha Stewart” type home it was just to hard. Some how we did this and I know it put a strain on us to be “perfect” and to have it all together.
Finally we had to decide that well we just could not keep doing this. It just wasn’t us. We had to do what we wanted and to be ourselves. We could not have and keep putting things on for people that expected so much from us. Of course we love our friends dearly but well we could not make everyone happy and ourselves. We then felt like some people put up a guard against us. I think back and wonder if things would be different if people would still talk to us, still treat us the same, kept being apart of our lives if we would have not changed our lives. I wonder if after changing habits and being more positive if in the end we can get to know each other again? I miss some of my old friends.
26 Tuesday Mar 2013
It’s common knowledge that the divorce rates in our country are hovering around 50% and have been for quite some time. Things don’t seem to be changing much and the numbers and the feeling of being alone has been very real to me. I have watched over the years many of my friends have troubles in their relationships. I have talked to many, cried with some, and have watched first hand as dear friends were torn apart. It broke my heart to see this happening to them but even deeper in side me I was starting to feel like oh my goodness is this one day going to happen to me? What am I going to do if it does? Who am I going to lean on?
My mom and dad were a strong family. I came from a family that we were all tight. We all got together for birthdays, holidays, summers. We were all close. But as time and life passed so did people in my family. As we lost both of my grandmother’s, an uncle, and my dad all pretty close in time the family gatherings changed. Now this all didn’t change the fact that my own family was a little different from all the other families in my perfect little family. My family my mom had lost a child at birth and just months after his loss I was adopted. Then fifteen months after me my sister was born. It was the 2 of us for 10 years until my parents adopted a little boy. Three years later they adopted another boy into our family. I am telling you this so that you have a little background on my story that I came from strong roots where things generally were in my favor.
Stats aren’t completely clear, but it seems the risk of divorce goes up when one spouse is afflicted with any form of depression. The risk for divorce goes up 50% more when one spouse comes from a divorced home. The risk for divorce goes up again about 36% for adults who were sexually abused as children.
My husband, my rock, comes into our marriage with all sorts of baggage. His parents who are still married, but have history of abuse, depression, and were both raised in abusive homes. I know he didn’t know that he was carrying these black marks and baggage into our marriage. I know a lot of you carry them as well. Still I hopefully plan to stay married, to honor my commitment to my husband, and to give my kids a loving home with a parent that is an example like I had. My dad was my amazing example to me. His walk with God, his love for his family, his love for others, and his love for life is something that I am so blessed everyday for having him share with me.
If you are one of my friends that has been divorced, separated, remarried please know I love you. I have always loved you. I wish more than life it self that you didn’t have to go through what you did. I wish that you didn’t have to hurt. I remember you pain, your frustration, your sense of loss. I know that God was with you and that you were in my prayers every day. I know things are not easy. I know it isn’t easy to stay married.
So this is why I am fighting. This is why I have stayed strong and tried to go against the odds. I hope you will pray for us as we try to tackle this journey to repair and recovery. We hope that we continue to bring hope and light to our lives and others in our lives as well. So stay with me as we are on our journey.
01 Tuesday May 2012
What do you do when text book answers aren’t enough?
Every one has a vision for their marriage. There are times that the vision we had and the reality we live in are worlds apart. We don’t have all the answers, and maybe we aren’t even asking the right questions.
We dont want all the answers or fix our marriage. We want others and ourselves come along side of us and help us take the next step in your journey with Christ. We aren’t looking for textbook answers, we need a partner in the journey of our recovery to help our marriage repair.
Testimonial
Eastlake Community Church came along at a crucial time in our marriage and were a HUGE answer to prayer. The insight my husband and I gained from gave us hope, courage, and focus in a way that nothing has done in the past. There is something very powerful about coming together “in Christ’s name” to create stronger, healthier, more God-centered relationships.
We have seen others go through so much and other pains and recovery and it has touched us in this community that we know that we are in a safe place both physically and mentally to open up and take on this “dark horse” in our lives. We know we can’t do it alone and we know we aren’t alone. We know we have God beside us on our road to recovery and repair.