25 Wednesday Apr 2012
Posted in Blogging, Family, Girls Corner, My Story, Thoughts
“Love is what we are born with.
Fear is what we learn.
The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life.
Meaning does not lie in things.
Meaning lies in us.”
~ Marianne Williamson
24 Tuesday Apr 2012
Posted in Family, Girls Corner, My Story, Parenthood
Today is my tiny ones birthday! I just can’t believe that she is 4 years old. It is amazing to me that wow how time does just fly by. I know she will always be my baby girl. From the moment I found out I was pregnant with her I knew my life was going to change forever. And it did. So many things have happened and changed but I am so blessed to have her and everything that has happened because of her.
My pregnancy was going quite well with her until I up and broke my ankle. Yes I had to be on bed rest for most of the pregnancy after that. I actually delivered her in a brace. It was just amazing and the worst was to take my first steps in the hospital without a brace on out of my hospital bed knowing I had just a newborn baby that needed me. Placing my weight on it and stepping I knew it was all for her. I did it. And from then on I knew I was strong enough to take anything for her.
The first year was really tough she was not a good sleeper at all. I think I spent the first year in a chair sleeping. She went to a sleep study even at Children’s Hospital. Yes she is a tough cookie too. She has such a great and fun personality one that is just infectious. And yet she is a lover too. She is so smart and learning so much. With all that she has going for her some people actually think she is older than she is. Whatever it is I know I just love her so much and she is just my little best friend.
We love to hang out together, she loves to have me do her hair, and we love to put on make-up together. She loves to go shopping with me. She actually has great fashion sense and style. She is my little Fashionista. I know I will love to watch her as she grows but I also know I will cry along the way. I just hope that she knows how much her mom loves her. I love you my little Tinkerbell princess. Happy Birthday Aaliyah!!!
18 Wednesday Apr 2012
Posted in Blogging, Girls Corner, My Story, Parenthood
Well I have been thinking about this these days. I have been out with some friends of mine that have jobs or my husband. And when you are introduced and people ask you “what do you do for a living?” well my heart sinks because I know telling the I am just a mom well they really don’t know what I do or who I am. I know all of us mom’s know that being a mom is hard work. And yes it is. The house work, meals, taking care of the kids, everyone in the house, doing the shopping, budget, and so much more that the list would go on for ever. But what some people don’t know is that some “mom’s” had jobs maybe or skill beyond being a mom too. And yes I am one of those mom’s. I don’t have my resume tattooed on me but well I do have some skills and I can do things beside just clean.
When we go to church I love to try to help out and be apart of the team. My husband has a tech job and he is a specialist. Some are finding in church he is quite talented. But when I go I talk to people and clean things up. When I go to the bathroom I wipe down the counters. When I work in the kids area I clean up the kids toys and snacks. I try to make it in to help do the cleaning of all the rooms during the week. I have tried to do some work in the computer/data area but I don’t know they seem to think because I am home with my kids I can’t do anything. Well that is to bad too.
When I went down my path in life I thought I wanted to be an interior designer. I had to take a couple computer classes. I wasn’t excited to do it. But what I found was my instructor didn’t know what they were doing and I ended up teaching them some things and doing really well. I ended up teaching myself about databases, html programing, Unix, networking, email administration and more. I was hired and sought after some major companies. I had a good career. I still love it and stay in the know of technology. I love to be in the know and on top of what I can. I love to be challenged.
I have also still enjoyed the fashion world and stay on top of all things there as well too. I just love what is new where to get it when it is coming out. This includes make up too. I just love staying up on top of all of this information. And I also love sharing, helping, and passing along what I can.
I have been shopping at the mall recently and the past 2 times in the cosmetics counters the ladies have been so impressed by my knowledge of product and excitement for it that they both have told me I should work there. I know when you have a passion for something it is contagious but wow that was just so honoring to think that “just a mom” could make an impression on someone. I know that I have skills and I know that I have knowledge I just wish people some days could look past the fact that “mom’s” there are more to them.
23 Friday Mar 2012
Posted in Girls Corner, My Story
I love that life is full of building blocks. Every things you do and the people that you meet help guide you and make you the person that you are. I just love looking back and looking forward at each experience that I have had that has helped shape me.
From the time I was a kid and thought I was going to be a doctor. To the time in high school and college that I thought I was going to be an interior designer. Things have changed my path and I am happy for that. I wake up each day and look into the eyes of my kids and just think of all the wonderful things they are getting to explore because of me.
I love being a mom but somedays I wake up and wonder is this what I am suppose to be? Well this isn’t the question I should be asking. Because it isn’t really my plan at all it is God’s. I know I have dreams to do all sorts of things some I have tried and others I just think about but well they aren’t always ment to be. I just know that at this point I just want to be happy no matter what I am doing.
So where I have tried propbably out of being board I tried some of these at home businesses like scrapbooking, cosmetics, and vitamins. But well those haven’t made me any money. Sure they might be good products but well I just can’t can’t do it or am not good at it. I have tried a few other things but I end up voluntering or helping friends. I just wish I could do something for me again sometimes to feel like I am feeling better.
23 Friday Mar 2012
Posted in Friends, Girls Corner, My Story
16 Friday Mar 2012
These are things that I was taught as were a lot of us. My dad would tell me many of these things to help me get through the day or situations in my life. I know that they are small things but they are also some of the biggest impact things in someones life sometimes. I now am trying to teach my kids these things. I just don’t think that people realize what even smiling at someone can even do to another person. For me this past year it has ment a lot. So I just wanted to share with you and remind some of you the little things do matter.
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04 Sunday Mar 2012
Posted in Girls Corner, My Story
Have you ever had one of those mind blowing weeks where you just don’t know how you made it. Well this for me has been one of them. I have been emotionally stretched trying to figure out how to handle and talk about some sensitive topics. I have had a couple friends talk to me about hair issues. How to handle their hair, product to use, how often to cut it, where to go, and everything.
I have also talked to friends about their kids and sleep issues. Of course their little ones are younger than mine but they know that I have had years of dealing with sleep issues with my little one. I have shared with this the things I have tried, the techniques I have, the melatonin and other herbal things I have used, the sleep habits, etc. Also, about crib tents, transitioning, environment and everything. Having a little one that isn’t good at sleeping is really hard. People don’t realize it. And for those that just miss a few hours of beauty sleep have nothing on a mom who has a kid who just can’t sleep. My little one the whole first year would only sleep for 15-20 min at a time. I thought I was going to loose my mind but I also knew I had to do what I could to survive. I was a mom and I had a family to take care of. So I needed to find a way to make it work.
I have spent my week talking to my friend about potty training. That is one hard job. I have been trying for a while but well I know my daughter will when she is ready. Well I have decided that because my daughter has a LOVE of candy I will just fill a bowl of all sorts of candy and for every time she goes she get a piece of candy. But if she does a #2 then I have a special bundle just for that occasion. So I am prepared. So I shared this new thing with my friend and told her that she needed to find some incentive for her kid. Whether it is a toy, candy, hair goodies, but something she could see, touch, and was well aware of everyday and time it happened. She thought that was a great idea. So she was going to make a bowl and fill it with something too.
I have also had to talk to my single friend about dating. And boy let me tell you that is just exhausting. Momma Mia wow I need a vacation after dealing with this one. One minute he is fine, then I am suppose to help find a place to eat at, then the places aren’t good enough, then he is nervous. Oh my gosh I just can’t take it. And then to top it off he gets a sty on his eye lid just the week before the date. Oh my gosh this is just going to make him a nervous wreck. I want to turn my phone off so I don’t have to keep having my eyes roll back in my head. I haven’t dated in 20 years. So what do I know lol. Well obviously more than he does. I know I am suppose to try and help him out. He is like a brother to me so I should do something or he will be single forever.
Then I had to deal with just other emotional things. People just not communicating right and I had to clear it up. People having other emotional issues and trying to read to much into things and I had to try and re-focus them. People that just think to much of themselves. Oh my goodness it is just exhausting. I just can’t take dealing with so much all in a week but the sad thing is this is a typical day or week for me. No wonder I get migraines.
02 Friday Mar 2012
Posted in My Story
Yes what some people don’t know about me is that I am in love with apps for my phone, computer, where ever. I just love things that make my life easier. I love keeping up on the newest apps for my kids, notes, organization, connecting, I just loved apps. I don’t like apps to just waste times or play games. I am not a gamer at all. But I love things that can be used as apart of your everyday life to make it easier. You might think I am obsessed.
Every time I see something interesting in a magazine or hear about a great product from a friend or have a random idea for a blog post, I save it on my phone, email it to myself, or blog about it for later use.
02 Friday Mar 2012
19 Sunday Feb 2012
Posted in My Story
So I got to thinking yesterday after hearing and talking to my husband about how some people tell their life story to others and use it to help others or to help themselves. I know I have heard some really moving stories and some people who have really gone through a lot in their lives. But it got me to thinking why have I never told my story? Why have I always hidden things away? Why do I always think that I can just find away to fix it, move on, or hide it from everyone?
I know I am a strong person and I have been through a lot in my life but when I got to thinking about my life I was like oh my goodness I have not just been through one thing I have been through a battle. My life is an on going story and well I don’t even know where to begin but well I am going to try just a little.
So one story I have in my life is about who I am and where I came from. Well growing up I thought I was like all the other kids. I had a sister and a mom & dad. I went to school like everyone else. Played on the bars, jumped rope, hop scotch, tether ball, you name it. Well one day at school I was going to play jump rope with my sister and the other girls but the girls wouldn’t let me play. They said that we weren’t sisters and I couldn’t play with her. So I went in crying. I went home crying and asked my mom why I looked different from my sister. Well she sat down and then told me in her room that I was adopted. She told me that she had told me before but I didn’t know she had and this was the first time I knew I was different from everyone. I also found out that day that my parents got me because they had lost a child at birth.
Well as the years went on a little more of the story came out but not much more. Then 10 & 13 years after I was adopted my parents adopted 2 boys. So then I had 2 brothers that were adopted.
I had to grow up early to take care of the boys. After school I had to watch them, change diapers, and do all that stuff since both my parents worked as teachers. My sister didn’t like to do that stuff and didn’t do much to help me watch them. So I was the one that had to do it all and my school work and everything.
Well later on in life as I grew up like most teenagers they start to not like their parents for some reason. Well I had a few. I had never really got to be a kid. I never got the same treatment as my sister did (at least I thought). So I started to act out especially to my mom. Well she took that as a sign that I didn’t like her and wanted my natural mom.
So my mom had a family friend that found my natural mom. Got in contact with her. And then he set up a meeting with me. After school one day after track. He took me to Denny’s and started to just have chit chat with me. Well after a while he told me that he had pictures and letters of my natural mom with him and wanted to know if I wanted to see them? Well I didn’t want to and I wanted to go home and be with my parents and find out what was going on and why they would do this to me. When I got home I walked in to see my dad in tears like he was going to loose his baby girl and then I saw my mom who was sad but wondering what I was thinking and wanted to do.
I have always been close to my dad my whole life but as I got older and things and started to have my own family that is when some of these feelings got more clear to me. I believe now as a mom that I was close to my dad so much because my mom got pregnant with my sister and that was something that she didn’t think would happen to her again. Her doctors said back then that she may never have a child again so when she got pregnant well that was to her a blessing. And with us being so close in age well someone had to raise me and do things for me and that was my dad. He rocked me to sleep, stayed up with me when I was sick at night so I could breathe, he was there for me. I bonded with him and well it makes sense. And my sister was and is close to my mom because she was the blessing my mom was told she couldn’t have.
This Christmas my mom told me a little more about this and said that when they lost their son at birth that back then churches helped people find babies to adopt. And so they had some calls and some fell through. And that the state wanted them to undergo a psych evaluation to make sure they were ready to have a kid. Because people all around them (friends, family, my aunt,) were all having kids but they weren’t. But my mom thought that was crazy and that they were fine.
Well I know now from having lost children myself through dnc’s, miscarriage’s, and things. I at times don’t know if I dealt with it. I think I was pushed and just kept going through the motions and that maybe I got a cold heart at times. I didn’t have a chance to deal with the losses the way I needed to. This has been hard for me. And it is something I have to carry with me for the rest of my life.
But something I have learned through this is that no matter where my kids come from, how hard it was to get them, the struggles it was. It is not their fault and that I don’t want them to carry with them pain, hurt, or wonder their whole lives. I just want them to know that no matter where they came from or how hard it was that they are mine and I love them so much. And I will go to the ends of the earth to love them. To me I don’t want to show one more love that the other, make one ever wonder or guess where they belong, or make one of my kids feel out of place. They are my kids and I love them no matter what.
It is amazing to me to see full circle now from being a kid to now being a parent. And I know that my dad always loved me the way I want to love my kids. I am going to pass his big heart on to them I hope.
Time To Unpack 